Every birthday card I opened today made me sob.
I feel like a real ass making Kyle suffer today, after all, he is trying so hard to make me smile.
I turned twenty at 3:31 am this morning.
I wasn't crying because I mind getting older, I don't.
I wasn't crying because the cards were fake, they weren't.
Nope, I was crying because I miss everyone so much. I haven't seen some of my friends and family in a year.
I keep walking around the corner expecting to find my entire squad of friends and family waiting to surprise me, but knowing they won't be there. Its too unrealistic.
I really ought be celebrating today, but sometimes in life, you have to cry at a your own party.
The main issue for me is that my Mother always made every holiday, from April Fool's Day to Christmas a big deal.
She always says, "Life is too short Brittany Lynn, You have to make everyday a celebration".
She would cook all day and hang banners and wrap gifts and bring flowers to my classrooms.
So now, being an adult when holidays aren't explosive, I feel like something is going terribly amiss in my life.
Where was the birthday breakfast? Where were the giant hugs from Dad? Where were the cupcakes and balloons and the trips to the zoo and the non stop tears from Grandma?!
My whole heart is still sitting at Seattle's Seatac Airport, ready to run home.
Waiting for me to come back to claim it.
Nothing makes me happy anymore, my friends and family made me who am..who I was.
A generally happy and enthusiastic young woman with a spark for adventure.
Now? A mopey girl, stuck in a flat wasteland full of camouflage and beer bottles.
I am trying really hard to trick my husband into the facade that I can make it here another three years, but I guess some of us have just lost our poker face.
If anyone knows of anything fun to do besides the bar, hunting, fishing and hockey...please let me know asap.
Must be really hard, I will know exactly how you feel in a couple years when I move out...
ReplyDeleteI have also had similar problems here. Do you like to hike? The greenway is full of neat places to walk, and there's turtle river state park which is pretty fun, as well as kelly slough national wildlife refuge (which is quite small, but can be fun in the spring when all the ducks start having babies. :) Your profile says you like photography, I don't know if you actually have a camera or anything but the places I listed are nice to photograph too. Hope this helps, at least to pass the next three years.
Im sorry man!! I'm far away from home too, though not as far as you. I totally feel ya on the holidays. They always seemed to be a bigger deal back home! I usually always make it a big deal to have thanksgiving no matter what...that has helped me get over the blues of no holiday spirit. When it comes to my birthday, I guess I have to admit that I too feel a little sad when I can't be with my family and friends back home for them to wish me happy birthday. Stay strong man!
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