Irritable Bitch Syndrome

Have you ever been in a nasty situation you couldn't rational your way out of?
That's exactly what renewing my apartment lease is like.
Not because I don't love my current apartment...I do love it!
Furnished with hardwood floors, a spacious dining and living room, and the quietest neighbors a college student could ask for... I love it!
But I find myself asking the question:
"What does it matter, when none of your family or friends can enjoy it with you?"
I can't go home because I am not a quitter, but I can't stay here either, it's much too far from home.
Central Washington University has a flight program opening up and that's only five hours from my hometown and Kyle could transfer there. SHOULD TRANSFER THERE.

But says he doesn't want to start all over at square one. Moving is costly and obnoxious.
But my behavior of resentment towards him for keeping me away from "my people" is awful.
Really awful. What do I do?!!!
On the upside, one of my subscribers commented some nice places to visit this summer, given the mosquitoes don't eat me alive. :)
Also I had a pretty fun time last night, some co-workers invited me to their apartment for cards and let me tell you! Four am is a pretty great time to finally snuggle into bed with my husband after being trapped like a paroled jailbird for eight months.
Great night! Those girls don't know who they were saving but I'm glad they did.
After all, my poor pillow can only take so much screaming into!

Home is Where the Heart is...1,524 Miles Away

Every birthday card I opened today made me sob.
I feel like a real ass making Kyle suffer today, after all, he is trying so hard to make me smile.
I turned twenty at 3:31 am this morning.
I wasn't crying because I mind getting older, I don't.
I wasn't crying because the cards were fake, they weren't.
Nope, I was crying because I miss everyone so much. I haven't seen some of my friends and family in a year.
I keep walking around the corner expecting to find my entire squad of friends and family waiting to surprise me, but knowing they won't be there. Its too unrealistic.
I really ought be celebrating today, but sometimes in life, you have to cry at a your own party.
The main issue for me is that my Mother always made every holiday, from April Fool's Day to Christmas a big deal.
She always says, "Life is too short Brittany Lynn, You have to make everyday a celebration".
She would cook all day and hang banners and wrap gifts and bring flowers to my classrooms.
So now, being an adult when holidays aren't explosive, I feel like something is going terribly amiss in my life.
Where was the birthday breakfast? Where were the giant hugs from Dad? Where were the cupcakes and balloons and the trips to the zoo and the non stop tears from Grandma?!
My whole heart is still sitting at Seattle's Seatac Airport, ready to run home.
Waiting for me to come back to claim it.
Nothing makes me happy anymore, my friends and family made me who am..who I was.
A generally happy and enthusiastic young woman with a spark for adventure.
Now? A mopey girl, stuck in a flat wasteland full of camouflage and beer bottles.
I am trying really hard to trick my husband into the facade that I can make it here another three years, but I guess  some of us have just lost our poker face.
If anyone knows of anything fun to do besides the bar, hunting, fishing and hockey...please let me know asap.

It All Evens Out

I’d hate one hundred bad days,

All the things that make me blue.

But I’d love one hundred kisses,

Long as they were from you.

<3

Queen Molly and Me

Walking into PaddyWhack pet supply in Mill Creek...I never imagined we would come home a family of three.
Upon entering the store me and my husband had frequented over the years, all of the familiar smells of catnip and rubber chew toys filled our noses. We began waltzing around, looking through the puppy sweaters and organic rabbit pellets, taking in an animals lovers' heaven.
My deep passion for animals began as a small girl, from reading the pet ads in the free newsprint at the library to wielding a young dragonfly in a large fruit bowl back to health, I couldn't get enough.
It is probably no surprise that I am taking courses in Zoology and Animal Psychology. Nor was it a surprise to me and my husband when we laid eyes on Molly, that we would be adopting her.
Three cats sat curled up and caged in between dog collars and automatic pet feeders.

Although Molly seemed to be the most suspicious and awkward feline in the bunch...she had a story more promising and auspicious than that of an prodigy orphan.

Her file read as follows: 

"Miss Molly is our resident queen, and at sixteen years old, she's allowed to be! Turned into the shelter because she "couldn't deal with change", this confident kitty couldn't disagree more! She has impeccable health, and doesn't look or act a day over six. She loves to have her face rubbed, and catnip is a bonus. Molly is a typical tortie, full of zest and has no problem letting you know what she wants. She is not fond of other cats or dogs, and would like to be in a quiet home where she can spend her retirement years in comfort and excess, like a queen should be treated!"

Need I say more? Those big emerald eyes held more than personality, they held a story...Molly had not been living in excess or comfort...she had been going from organization to organization in search of a family.

Fifty dollars and a jar of tuna fish flakes and she was in our back seat purring.

It was as if she knew her journey was over and a new beginning awaited her.

Its been a little over a year now since we adopted Molly and joined by her little brother Oliver, she has lived a lovely and relaxing life in our small apartment.

However...now I am faced with something every pet owner must comes to terms with...Death.

Molly not only was diagnosed with arthritis in her hips, but has also become quite incontinent.

Dribbles of urine and feces litter our kitchen every morning and though I have kept up on her pain medication I begin to wonder if I will ever have the courage to face a fast coming fact.

Her life here with us on earth is coming to an end.

How do I cope? How do I know whats best for her? I wish she could talk for half a second...do you want me to end this or let it run its course, Molly?

Always Darkest, Before the Dawn

When you look back and reflect on your life, sometimes reminiscing about life changing moments verses the best or worst times is a great way to truly appreciate where you are now in life.
Not only physically but also morally.
Today I remembered a dark time in my life, my Mother had just divorced my Step-father and I had broken off a long relationship with a very close friend.
In a moment of justified confusion and anger, I stormed out of my broken families new apartment into the rain and ran towards home.
Wherever it would find me.
I felt as if I could pound down the pavement of every city in America on my quest for HOME!
To my surprise I stopped short of three blocks, in a line of lamp-posts, one close was burnt out completely.
I felt the connection between the smoldering fire of emotions within my heart and the flickering bulb above me.
So I stood below it, long brown hair dripping with rain water, and cried.
I sobbed for my Mother. I sobbed for my little sister. I sobbed for my friends and my family.
I bawled for my cat. I bawled for my ex-boyfriend. I bawled for my classmates, just starting high school.
Mainly I cried for my own dwindeling self worth.
I had gained so much weight. Like every pore in my body held a five pound stone of unhappiness and doubt.
I whispered to nobody in particular, "what now?" before continuing my tear fest.
Just when I thought I would literally drown in salt and fog....the light above me turned on.
Steady this time, like a sign that even in the worst of storms can pass.
I was worth it. I would be ok.
Maybe not immediately but soon enough, I just had to be patient.
Flicker a little.
Here I am today. Thank God!

Is My Cooking Really THAT Bad?!

"...nothing is too much trouble if it turns out the way it should." -Julia Child

Kyle and I were sitting our living room waiting for my soyrizo rolls to finish baking...
When all of the sudden a literal glass shattering explosion sounded from the kitchen.
Either my cooking is awful...or the universe has it out for me.
Upon inching the oven door open, I realize that the glass dish I had set my soyrizo rolls in had completely burst into pieces all over the interior of the oven!
Why? Lord only knows.
The oven was only set to 325F after all.
Needless to say we seriously considered ordering Papa Johns instead.