America You Are Too Much!

Is anyone else omega impressed my the size of the Minneapolis' Mall of America?
Or am I the most juvenile twenty-year-old EVER?>(don't answer that)
Not only is the parking garage the biggest cluster-clot I've ever had the pleasure of being trapped in, but the mall itself was enormous.

Before I get ahead of myself...I wasn't even admitted into the Mall of America on first attempt.
I had decided that I would leave my wallet in my car because my husband had his in case we wanted to purchase anything and despite popular belief not all women enjoy carrying around huge purses everywhere they go while simultaneously trying to look through stores. Try fitting through an isle in a packed clothing store without knocking something or someone over...ugh.
The first thing the entrance security guard asked me for of course was my wallet/ID in accordance with the Minnesota State 4pm curfew.
Maybe in a few decades this will all be flattering but if I seriously look 16 years old...shoot me now!
In a desperate attempt to avoid the four story parking garage to fetch my wallet, I tried to convince her I was much older with no luck.
"Look at my tattoo! Look at my two-carat diamond ring! My husband's ID proves he is over eighteen...can he be my guardian?"
Too bad.
So after another twenty minutes of power walking in search for my vehicle in thirteen degree weather I was finally allowed to go inside.
Naturally when my red face arrived back I rammed my ID in the women's face as said,
"Is that all? Or do you need my social too?!"
She shot back at me, "About time!"
Honestly I do realize she was just doing her part to keep the children in her city safe but come on! Even the waiter at Olive garden gives me wine samples! And after the full body pat downs and body scans and demeaning luggage searches of the airport...I was done with security.
The real question is how many times did I get lost in the Mall of America?
Don't ask.
Let's just say I didn't leave at nine pm on purpose.
On the bright side:
Wow America you are too much! Looking over the indoor amusement park/shopping center/aquarium/movie theater/food court/ballroom from atop the Dorah the Explorer ferris wheel...an overwhelming sense of pride and inspiration overcame me.
The imagination and preparation and time it must have taken to design, build, and accommodate such a place astounds me.
From face painting, to five dollar all day locker rentals...from sharks, to forty-foot-tall Lego helicopters..
From Thai noodle bowls, to sequin underwear...Mall of America YOU ROCK! >well minus your security guards...